Jason and Joshua
(the summer of 1985)
Last year, for the first
time
I didn't write birthday
poems,
because of anger
and feeling loss.
My boys, my beautiful
boys
how we've watched you
grow
in the summer of '85.
Jason the tryer
moves in resolve
attempting anything,
hiding fear.
This summer we began
as he, thinking
seeming to be
unravelling.
Major questions about
why
he lives where he does.
So gently we now move
in definition phases.
With explanations of
fact
he, now, sees
leaving him with
thoughts
not answers.
His sometimes hurt eyes
look into me
as I hold him upon my
lap
and touch his hair.
My oldest young boy
tries
to be a man at just
seven ,
and I, at forty
help him avoid it.
I see you my Jason
On edges of your own
And know of your pains,
They become my own
For deep in nights
When your not with us
How I long to see (once
again)
Your sleweping, baseball
hat
Covered face
Dreaming in your bed
with us
Just 406 steeps from the
beach.
Happy Sixth and Seventh
Birthday
My littlest man.
Joshua’s place
Is full of tickles,
We romp across floors
In laughter.
He’ll stand at our door
In a world of his own
Protection that saves
him
The hurt of being
second.
Touching him is electric
He sees all things
positive,
Noticing not the rest.
“Daddy, look, the sky’s
like a giant kite.”
At all things he’s a
natural
And, with little or no
effort,
Manages, not trying too
hard
I watch him moving
and touch him in smiles
we play games with our
eyes
which he began
Those looks of
recognition,
people, sharing
then he,
looking away, as if he
wasn’t.
Catching him, looking
away
he stands in another
direction,
slowly looking back I
see him
'till I look away.
He sees me doing that
"Dad". “Josh”.
We rush each other -
an talk abou moose noses
for dinner,
rolling in our laughter.
I watch you my Joshua
playing in sand,
with the sunlight
rushing to, and from
you.
Your beauty and
naturalness
always bring tears to my
eyes.
Happy fifth and sixth
birthday
my beautiful littlest
boy...
June 20, 1985 through