Some notes about "acting" positions.

I'd always pursued dreams at work; the same as not at work, and for sixteen years had attempted various ways to connect the ways business worked within the corporation. These efforts were what I saw as the plan; a plan myself and three others continually worked on. After ten years, we had accomplished what we'd thought would take three years.

The plan was simple, knowing how much you had of something, where it was, how much it costs, and was it good enough to use was finally completed. The final piece was what were you were going to need (use) tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week and three weeks after that, by day. This concept had taken years longer to accomplish than any of us had thought.

Corporations have political rules I just never got the hang of.

Those of you who know about business realize that what we'd been working on was not a revolutionary idea, but a necessity. Those of you who know about politics realize a disregard for games.

The greatest success had just been achieved and we were about to tell our "bosses" a story of planning and scheduling, coupled to an integrated infrastructure and proven, once and for all, it works, when the HEART ATTACK happens.

I found myself, rather than in hot pursuit of the next larger, and more important part of our "linked" effort, appointed "acting" replacement for my boss and his group of sixteen. Confined

within specific borders, I'd travelled in a day or two, from atop the mountain to administration.

There was nothing to do there, and the only reason I was there was because I was most senior, and available. There's no such thing as a coincidence, there's no such thing as a coincidence, the phrase rings in my mind.

Well, I tried to keep my perspective as many people I'd known treated me as if I'd been promoted.

The scope of my responsibilities was to sign my bosses name and put parenthesis around the signature. I guess that was to notify the reader that it wasn't an official signature, but a substitute. These were the instructions passed to me three or so days after the incident, sign his name, as I just mentioned, and don't propose anything, nothing was to happen in his absence. It took a week for this to sink in. Those around me waited for some signal indicating the job was mine, or from the

"Directors" saying it wasn't, and whose job it was. This sorry state of affairs lasted two or three weeks when it became apparent to me no decision was going to be made. I went to see my boss, who was also new, to try and get some answers for myself and the sixteen others.

We met across from the plant at a bar and had several beers while we talked. I told him I was very dissatisfied with the "acting" role I'd been given because I couldn't do anything. He was surprised and tried to be understanding, but as the discussion continued it became apparent he didn't understand what I was saying, or if he did he couldn't, or wouldn't do anything about it. It didn't

matter to him that I felt my time was being wasted. I asked to have the job officially declared mine so that we could get on with things. I was told "just do the job". I refused, asking for an official statement. In later conversations with my boss I was told I needed "to earn the job". Coincidences again filled my mind.

After months of speaking at, but not with each other, my boss told me he'd decided to leave me "acting" and that when my boss came back, he would reassume his duties. I hadn't done anything impressive enough for him to change his mind about me. For the first time in sixteen years, everything made sense. I'd always thought that doing was what was important for the company, helping people grow and assume new responsibilities, generally improving the way the company did it's work was what I, we were suppose to be doing. I never asked anybody what they thought, I just did it. It never occurred to me that the way to get ahead was to prove yourself to someone else however one does that.

There came this time at work when I just wouldn't do what "they" wanted me to do because I thought it was wrong. I just refused.

My boss had no idea what I'd done in the past, nor any interest in what I thought was important. I came to realize that what I had to offer, and what ha been done for all these years now had been completely missed.

In beginning shutting off my corporate switches I gave my self the luxury of thoughts aimed at what I wanted to accomplish. The process of changing from corporate pawn to writer/painter, no matter the consequences, was now underway.

In May the warm winds of Florida drew us away, and me into a new place inside myself, never to be the same.