Part Five: Judith and THE paintings
I've noticed that when life goes in accordance with my
intentions, nothing but good seems to come in,
And that’s exactly how I met Judith. Frankly, for about six months, I’d even considering
leaving my job because every thing seemed so screwed up, when this blonde woman
almost crashed into me one day.
She stopped just in front of the entrance to the ladies room
and said "hey, you're not from around here?
" Well, I ask you, who could resist that? A sign, a
smiling woman lit up my otherwise dark world.
We kept our distance during the passing of me from
Summerville Drive, with the notable exception of
one night. I was back again, attic painting at Larry's when
Judith and her daughter, Tina, came to
rescue me from the fumes and the heat, and we've been
together every day since. It did take me several
weeks to bring my toothbrush, and we did have to walk a narrow
line at work, because of people, in
general. The following series represents both our closeness
and a new sense of freedom for me, with
Judith.
The following seven paintings, with the exception of the
first (scenes from our dining room) and the
last, a self-portrait, have caused something of a stir with
people who've come to see us, and seen them as
well. Judy's family, mostly, daughters, friends, have had
reactions anything from shock to mild interest.
Never did anyone have a sense of Judy in this light. She and
I, on the other hand, see the paintings in a
differently. They do not represent us; literally, they
represent all people in love, and acts of love.
This has been the standard line of explanation, and is a
fact, but not much ground has been gained in
the acceptance of these works as generic but rather
"that's my mother" keeps getting into the sentences.
In some sense, they are correct because the woman in the
paintings has blonde hair. Judy has blonde
hair. The scenes did get painted as a result of the
relationship between us, and they are of scenes adult
are familiar with. Guilty.
But, to me they represent a freedom that had been bottled up
for a long time. One smile after another
as the series unfolded, I had found, and was in the place I
needed to be, to grow as a painter, writer,
lover and man.
The first painting was done in early August of 1987 and was
as a result of a wedding Judy went to in
New York. I didn't go and staved home to amuse myself. The
painting is of a couple, sitting at a table
with flowers between them. There are yellows, pinks, and
some blue, with white around the top to
indicate drapes,
covering the windows. What I like best about the painting is the feeling of
closeness it
gives me when I look at
it. This painting was done from a sketch of our "breakfast nook”,
and because I wasn't comfortable painting in her living room.
I took the sketch back to "the attic"
and on a Saturday, painted it. It took all day, and I
remember having difficulties with her face.
Rather than just leaving it as it turned out, many scrapes
were made, six I believe, until
the final version turned out as I'd hoped. Doing it gave me
a great deal of pleasure and I couldn't wait
for her to see it.
"we've
all sat away from the world
in places
where there are just we two,
combined, in
the silence of knowing love.
the world is
a hard place and soft moments,
love carry us
into, and towards
a higher
tomorrow.
I was with
you while you were gone" .
After a lovely evening, and while sitting on the floor
watching Judy sleep, markers found my hands and
I laid out the basis of the next five paintings.
Starting with SPACE, which is where I'd been, I LOVE YOU,
obviously, TOUCH, whose feeling and movements excite me, and TRUTH which is
what we were, and are about, these drawings fell from the
markers in less than an hour. SLEEPING completed the series.
In possession of the original works, and driven with a new freedom to paint
them, having won my battles with Vincent, I set off, to the driveway
on Ernestine Street to paint.
The conversion from marker to oils is not an easy one as
I've, perhaps, led you to believe. The medias
are very different. Markers flow, and are easy to get
through in a short period of time while oils require
blending of colors, thickness, concerns that never come up
with markers. Having decided not to worry
about technical issues, I began SPACE and I LOVE YOU at the
same time, painting on a Saturday
afternoon with a smile on my face. I was standing in the
driveway with the canvas pointed towards
the street. I believe the backgrounds are still too thin.
The figures, which were so easily separated with markers, ran together a
little, but as they were basically pink and blue with intersections of violet,
it fit
well together.
SPACE has a dark blue background with orange and yellow
circles. and red at the bottom indicating
the space the figures had been wrapped in. The yellow hair
was just impossible to stop, and could not have
been anything else. I LOVE YOU is the same scene with the
figures switched around in a thin green
background. I had wanted to make these paintings in a very
free style utilizing all I'd learned from past work, and to some extent I
succeeded. They are my work, without a doubt, and have color and feeling.
Judy watched the making of these from the kitchen window and
would come out, periodically, with a
kiss or lunch or a glass of wine. That is as good as it
gets.
"I came
to you, and you, me
and we are,
jointed at together.
Our bodies
belong to the both,
in the each
of us
upon an edge
of newness".
"we are
of each other,
I love you
Judith".
The next in the series, TOUCH and TRUTH are favorites
because they are done, finally, with a heavier
base. The subject is
the same, done a week after the first two which I believe allowed me a better chance
of getting them into, as opposed to onto, the canvas. The
first painting, TOUCH, has the
same figures but is laid out better, no pun intended. The
colors, pinks, blues, yellows are thick, thick.
The highlights were drawn through the thick, heavy background,
pulling the brush at it traced energy, movements. I had accomplished what I'd
wanted, to feel that interplay, that pull, that is to engage the painting. The
second, LOVE, is about closeness, intimacy, and I tried my best to get the very
soul
of ourselves, and the idea, into the canvas. I hope people
would one day look at these and
realize their beauty. I think that's what art is.
"I touch
you, and you, me and we are,
at that time, one. We can see magic and
hope in simplicity" .
"the
truth lives without reward
its joy, done at the gates of freedom"
SLEEPING, the final in the series, and the inspiration for
the others was done watching Judy sleep.
Sleeping has become our favorite pass-time. The painting has
a sense of calm that sums up the series.
In looking at SLEEPING, the progression of events, the
meanings in my life, as I relate to them,
came to me. It's overwhelming when I let my self get carried
away with what I'm doing,
over- emphasizing my importance. What if my combinations of
word and paint have a bigger meaning?
Will they have any affect? No one can know, or has control
of what will happen. I do know that when
we our selves get scared with all the possibilities, all
progress stops. The battle against change involves
fear.
Anyways, the point here was to talk about the work done in
paint in a way that you would have a sense
of what this
painting "thing" is about and some history from here, to there,
covering about five or so
years. SLEEPING gives me a summary of these paintings, all
the way back to the beginning, because in
the summary of me, I am now at calm. To do this work. I'd
had to put everything into perspective,
and to do that brought me to SLEEPING, and my first self-portrait,
only attempted at calm.
"my
breath come lightly, and my hands
move with
colors Judy, sleeping,
this gives me a sense, of the
sense of it
all.
the world, is
outside of us".
