Summerville Exit.

The book GIVING was in progress when I met Kathy and describes many up moments of a few years

we were together. As you may remember, it was a short time after the battles with Alexis that Kathy

and I came together, and I believe this to be a pattern in my life. If I think back, to the beginning, I've

never been without someone for any period of time. Some people have pointed this out to me, as if it's a weakness of some sort, but I've chosen to believe it's more good faith, and intentions, on my part, than

anything else. In any event, we had what could be described as a difficult, if not impossible, relationship.

At the time, I was convinced, as evidenced by the title of the book I was working on, GIVING, that

that's what I should be doing, giving. I always knew there was something wrong in the way we related,

or more like it, didn't relate, but I went on with it anyways. And oh, don't let me forge to mention

Jennifer, who was thirteen at the time we met, and seventeen when it was done. I could go on about

Jenny but there's really no point. Suffice it to say, we never did get along and I’m sure that’s what she

had in mind all along. She was as much trouble as she could be.

These facts, which had surfaced even before I married Kathy, eventually led to my exit from

Summerville Drive, the only house I'd ever bought, and one I truly loved. It seemed to me, once again,

that the things I thought I owned, owned me, and it was not as difficult as before to find my

way out. It was more expensive, yes, but more difficult, no. Jennifer showed up with a French kid

named Boris, and announced he was staying for the summer, without asking. Finally having enough,

I just stomped out, and arriving at Larry's door, beginning another short period of solitude.

During the four years we were together I tried to begin the book BALANCE on several occasions,

with little to no success. The point of the book, at the time I was writing it, was describing how to

balance my time in such a way as to simultaneously write and paint, watch children, do laundry,

cook, clean and, generally, be everybody's every- thing.

The lapse of two years from the end of Giving until the start of BALANCE was dead time, during

which I could not find the right words to start. It's not surprising that nothing could come out during

that time, no words, little painting, copies, mostly, because I was going down the wrong road.

It wasn't possible to try and work out all these things at once because BALANCE, in an environment

that describes stealing as taking time away from what you have to do, to spend time doing what you like

to do, well, it's impossible. A lot of hostility had built up and was vented at Kathy's, and my expense.

During the four years, several poor examples of very bad behavior, on my part, were exhibited and on

the flip side, many good things were accomplished. We're both free now to do as we please, and I

wish her well and hope for her happiness.

Probably the most interesting thing I learned about my self is that I still have a tendency to do what

people would like me to do instead of doing what I want to do. Consequently, I have decided to make

this type of behavior a thing of my past. I'm sure this tendency of mine comes from a long ways back,

and some shrink would probably charge me thousands of dollars to figure out the reasons.

I think I'll just give me permission to be me, and not allow any thoughts of selfishness

to flourish.