This piece is an exchange of E-Mails with my brother concerning the move of our parents to a retirement community.

From my brother Bill:

Yo Myron:

So how'd you fare during the Dark Period ?  I'm guessin the
only thing a clever boy can do when the juice goes off, is to
go play golf.  At least during the daytime anyway. 

I talked to Dad twice this week.  I guess Mom went up to Jane n
Eddie's because they had power.  Go figure. Did you have juice
during the black out too ?  Dad told me the BIG NEWS, which I
assume you've also heard by now.  Whoa ...  I was a little
surprised to say the least.  Correct me if I missed something
here, but didn’t you raise this point about a smaller place,
assisted living and stuff about a year ago ... and got treated
like Atilla the Hun for even bringing it up ??  and...... I'm
absolutely positive that when I was there only a few weeks ago,
they both made it a point to tell me that they wanted to stay
in that house, if only so that they had enough room to get away
from each other.   What changed ?   Did that house suddenly grow
stairs that nobody had to deal with before ?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they decided to do this, I just dont
understand why it took so long. 

Back to ya bro....

BB

My reply:

Well bro, I'm in the shit around here again. Just to address the "blackout"
we, Judy and I, had NO problems and yes, I just played golf and carried on.

I was shocked when Dad called me on Thursday night and told me they were
moving, in October, and it was a done deal. The same "suggestion" Gail and I
talked about six months or more ago, and yes, I was THE FUCKING BAD, BAD guy
for even thinking such a thing. Anyhow, that was the same night as the
blackout and Dad was home alone as Mom had gone to Jane and Eddie's (go
figure).I asked him to come over, but he refused, as usual, citing possible
acts of cannibalism in our neighborhood which I ignore (it ain't that bad,
you know). On Friday morning I called to see if he'd made it through the
night, NO answer, so I figured he went to get Ruth and called again about
2PM or so, and Gail answered.

I said, "So, big changes there I hear?" and she said, "yea, you could show
your face around here a little", to which I replied "What", and she went on
to say, "Your not the victim here you know". I hung up.

I don't even know what the fuck she was talking about, but I'm pretty sure
she's lost her mind as everything she's insisted on doing is crashing in on
her (only a guess on my part, I think ya need to be a professional in mental
health get this one straight).

Honest to God, we're moving away from here brother, I just can't stand this
crap anymore. Maybe you could shed your perspective on this cause I'm done
with them, for now, once again.

If I go over there there's NOTHING I can do because Gail and Eric do
everything. We sit and talk for awhile, mostly with me asking all the
questions and them answering yes, or no, or nothing, and we watch
television. I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing, but I do know
I'm not putting up with shit from my little sister who, somehow, thinks she
has the right to be telling me what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know
about you, but I don't like to go places where I feel like I'm really not
wanted and this place happens to be my parents house. What the fuck?

So, here we are again. Maybe you can give me some advise because I don't
know what to do now.

love you bro,

myron, the celt

ps. oh, by the way I shot seventy-eight today....

From my brother Bill:

Hmmm........ where to begin??

I guess the best advice I could give you, would be a few things:

First, DONT DISCONNECT.  Bad move which I think you would come to
regret in the near future...  instead, I think nows the time to
get a little more connected.

Second, go talk to Gail.  Just you and her. No Eric; No Judy.  I
would love to know what the hell she meant by that 'you're not the
victim' comment, and would just ask her to explain it.  Is she the
victim?  Victim of what ?  I gotta confess, I just dont get that one,
but I had the sense when I was there that Gail is feeling like the
victim in all this.  And tell her EXACTLY what you told me in this
email - cuz its FUCKING TRUE - they always treat you like an outsider,
then wonder why you act like one.

Third, and this will be the hardest one, even though you might feel
like an intruder in their house, you gotta let mom and dad know that
Gail isnt the ONLY one they can call when something happens.  I think
thats the way they feel now,and Gail knows it too.  This is why lil
sista is soooooo in charge.  And when some opportunity presents itself,
and LOTS will as this moving out thing develops, just SHOW up and do
something.  Help em pack; organize things to sell; beat up the realtor;
just be there and be involved in the move.  This is VERY big for them and
it's a good opportunity for you to become less of an outsider.

Now... I feel like a total shit giving you advice and telling you to
be there, when Im 3000 miles away.  I wish I was there, but Im not. I am
only an email or a phone call away tho ...

I have a good feeling about this move, and a bad feeling too.  It won't
be long before they miss their house, their yard, their patio, their garage,
everything about the ole place... and the new place just sucks.  You know
how they can get.  Hmmm....  could their pending discontent be another
opportunity ???

Hope this helps....
Love ya too Myron .........hang tough, brutha...

BB

From our Father:

We placed or home on the market, got an offer before it was listed, accepted offer, had an "engineers" inspection ( 3 or 4 items to be addressed--nothing major ), arranged for a move into a Villa at the Legacy ( a seniors complex nearby in the town of Greece ) ---will move around October 1st. The Villa is quite roomy(2 bedrooms,kitchen, dining area, large bath, living room, washer&drier and range,fireplace, patio and area for the dog. We will likely have the same telephone #. Ruth has even been approved for her own battery operated "scooter"------Ev 

So Myron:

How's family relations going this week? 

I got an email from Gail, plus a phone call, and Im told
that 'the move' (as we shall now call it) is moving along
at warp speed.  The house is sold, the goods are either up
for sale or in the trash, and everyone is pleased but
exhausted.  I hope you've stayed connected this week.

I had an interesting experience this week.  I had a frat house
fire at Chico State - very bad fire - building is a total loss.
I noticed this contractor I met at the site was wearing this
HUGE ring, but since I dont usually ask other guys about their
jewelry, I said nothing.  Later on, I notice its a football ring
so I broke down and asked.  Turns out....its a SUPER BOWL ring.
This guy was a nose tackle for the NY Giants in the early 1990's
and had the ring from the 1990 super bowl. The guy knew Parcells,
Lawrence Taylor and was still friends with Phil Simms.  Now if
you're mumbling to yourself ....who ?? ... then I know you've lost
all touch with football. 

talk to me.

BB

Well I did try to stay connected,  BUT with no success. After last we spoke
I called Gail, alas she wasn't home (a supposed she was at Mom and Dad's
doing her thing). I left a message, "Give me a call when you have a minute,
I'd like to get this straightened out between you and me". That night, no
call, next day, no call, nothing, then I got that same note from Dad  you
got (we were both "copied in") . I replied to Dad's note, "If  there was
anything I can do to please let me know" and it's now a week since then with
not a word from anybody (except you, of course). So, I say to myself "Well,
perhaps they don't want me to do anything, or they have no reason to talk to
me, or I don't know what's going on, but again it seems like my fault". I've
struggled with this for decades now and I give up.

I guess I'm disconnected again, on account of I didn't just drop my life and
begin working on Gail's "to do" list. I thought I could participate but I
must have forgotten my place which seems to be, well, as the wrong stranger.
That's OK with me this time. I'll just accept it. I suppose I could have
called, or I could have gone over, or I could have done something other than
asking to be asked, but that's how I am, which seems to be unacceptable.

I'm embarrassed to say this, so forgive me, but this note is between you and
me. I can talk to you and you actually talk back, for which I'm eternally
grateful. Help me out again brother. Must I become something other than what
I am to have a relationship with my family?


As they say on Monty Python, "And now for something completely different":