Jason Beatty

Jason Beatty is my oldest son, he's eighteen now and goes to Brockport State College. He began this fall in the communications program and when last we spoke, which is few and far between times,

he was doing well. He's also working as a disc jockey, playing at parties and special events and apparently doing quite well. I wished we talked more but since his thirteenth birthday he and his brother have drifted away. People say this is just "teenage" stuff and that after awhile he'll be

back, but I wonder. Since he was a small boy he's been his mothers' pet, and he really has more of her in him than me, in terms of personality, and I'm sure deep down he is mad at me for not being there with him while he grew up on a daily basis. Someday I hope he understands how impossible it was for me to live with his mother and that if I had I probably would have died.

I suppose everyone who has even been divorced goes through the wondering phases, did you do the right thing, or not? Things turn out the way they are suppose to, so in this case we'll just have to wait and see. I miss both of my sons very much.

Jason brought me a copy of his senior picture and some wallet size photos as well. We had a nice talk and when he left I painted his portrait using the photographs. This is the third portrait of him.

The first he sat for because he was twelve years old and thought it would be cool. The painting is dated 3/90 and when he saw it he didn't like it. It really shows him as I saw him that day with apprehension in his eyes. I've always felt he was running as fast as he could to keep up with some goal someone else had set for him, and I've tried to talk to him about trying to make everyone else in your life happy at the expense of your self, but here we now wait in silence, me hoping for the best, not knowing if he even knows.

The second painting of Jason is dated 11/92, which makes him fourteen and was done from a photo that is attached to the painting. It's titled Trying, as that's what Jason does so well.

The third painting is from the graduation photograph, dated 1/6/96, and looks a bit like Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian. Jason hasn't seen the last two paintings and I'm looking forward to the day he does. Perhaps when he's seen some of life he will become a little more forgiving of me and less angry inside himself.

Portrait of Jason Beatty (1/6/96)

I love you Jason