about the state of my marriage

How many times

has the silence set in, where we sit and frown

at the idea of each other?

We always go

towards the brink of it all

but neither acts,

for they would be "first".

The total weight of this pain

is too much to carry

and neither of us knows

if this is it--

If it is or isn't

I feel bad,

and if it is, well,

we both deserve better.

When we met

it was so unusual

a unique experience

we both wanted to last

As time went on

and attitudes changed,

we learned

not to like each other

In awhile

our love had suffered

and slipped to a point

where we didn't need.

Upon the state

where silence exists,

I took comfort and warmth

provided by friends.

Needless to say

a change did result

when this taking of time

did appear to injure you.

I do not believe I was unfair,

but rather, searching

for feelings found missing.

All this points

to the pain that's been drawn

while sadly searching

in the midst of a hopeless dream.

I loved you

and it's sad to say

for all you've given me.

I just can't

deliver myself to you,

you must have seen that I'm terrified to.

The major problem with me

is that I can't be us

anymore -

I have to be me.

"We are now in separate glass cases looking at the folly we've made of us.”

"In silence we sit waiting the birth of an innocent baby.”

"I can't believe the things I've done to make you hate me with your silence.”

"you know how to kill me because I let you know how. Why must you?"

“I will not die. I will not die”.